My Sirius Black Complex

WARNING: This is a little overboard, but they're my current thoughts. Just humor me. :)

Let's pretend for the sake of this example that the family is a form of the Order of the Phoenix. Everybody has their job. Some of us go to work everyday. Sometimes it's normal work and sometimes it's a ruse - you go as an undercover werewolf or as a Snape kind of spy. Sometimes it's exciting and sometimes it's just business. But then there are those of us who, through choice or not, stay at home. And it's times like now that I feel a little trapped like Sirius did. My sisters are all out cleaning a housing complex (which may not seem fun, but it's therapeutic for me). Not only are they earning money, but they are all together and bonding. I miss being able to just go out and do that kind of thing every once in while. My brothers are kickin' it together as they finish all their Christmas shopping. My Dad and Mikey are both at their respective work places interacting with rational grown-ups. My Mom is currently at the temple but has spent a large part of this past week de-cluttering a closet in the house and there are many times that I wish I could just clean whatever whenever in the house.

But I'm stuck in a home that was once my own, but isn't any more, with a few Kreacher-like people. They whine, gripe, say nasty things, hardly ever clean up after themselves, and suddenly disappear to who-knows-where to create or finish some mischief. I feel like I accomplish hardly anything by staying at home yet it's my duty. There are days that I don't do anything more than feel, change, and clothe children while I'm somehow keeping them from killing each other or tearing apart the house. There are days that I feel useless as a member of the Order - like all I can do is offer my home as a place for people to rest there feet in at the end of the day and provide a hot meal.

Then I have to remind myself that the "stuck" feeling will subside eventually. That all my Kreachers will turn out noble and serve a good purpose if I stick to it and love them. I have to remember that without me in the Order the rest of the members would have no place to call "home-base" or to fix their meal. (It's a little different at the moment while I'm living with my Mom, but the principle still applies.) And after all this, I remember that I love all the members of my Order. I love all my Kreachers even when they take things without asking and hide them or complain. And underneath all the childhood inconsistencies, there is a wonderful child of God who depends on me to reach their full potential to one day lead an Order of their own - an army coming to the rescue of their God and their family.