Perspective

I've had much on my mind lately. I'm not sure I can get it all down in a format that makes sense to anyone but me. But I do want to record my thoughts for myself, my children, and anyone else who cares to read.

There are days when the monotony of motherhood gets to me - when I just wish I could stay in my PJ's, eat pizza and read a good book without worrying about who hit who, when the movie ended, or which story is next in line to be read. (Or who's causing the horrendous stink spreading through the house.) There are times when I wonder if I'm really strong enough to handle Rebekah's heart problem and the issues that have presented themselves as a result, if we'll ever be out of debt, or what my husband REALLY thinks about my mothering skills when he gets home. (I only wonder on days in which dinner is not started, the kids are crying because one has accosted the other and received in kind, and the house is a mess. 'Course Michael has always helped rectify the situation with more patience than I think conceivable at that time of night. I'm blessed.)

Then there are days that I feel like Super-Mommy who gets all possible things done, plays with the kids, gets dinner ready and greets Mikey with a smile and a listening ear when he gets home. I'm not really sure what makes the difference. What I do know is that my Heavenly Father hears the uncertainties of my heart when I pray. He hears the faith that I hold dear. He speaks to me in the quite recesses of my heart whether I'm in the temple or at home calming a fight for the 7th time that day. I've felt guided so many times as a mother and wondered even more times if I'm really doing any good.

Recently we went to the temple and I felt such joy in my calling as a wife and mother. It was a good weekend. It seemed that every time I looked at my children I felt love and gratitude for them and the way that they were. Every time I saw my husband I felt awed by the fact that he made that marital covenant with ME. That he asked me (and then that I had the presence of mind to say "yes".) I was overwhelmed with love for this handsome man who takes care of our needs each day, is a loving father and husband, and who loves me despite my weaknesses. It's those times of assurance and joy that get me through the mundane of everyday life.