Recent and Rambling Thoughts

I was recently released from being a Primary teacher. I love being in primary. The kids have such a simple faith. My kids love having a chance to speak or pray or "read" a scripture. They are eager, innocent, and non-judgmental. The spirit is so sweet in primary. It comes a little differently to me when I'm there. So I miss it.
But it's given me a chance to be in Relief Society for the last three weeks and it's been a whole new world. I forget what it's like being in a place where everyone is older and supposedly knows the basic gospel principles. Despite being a grown-up, I learn a TON. I really don't know everything and I think that's why RS is there - to teach those of us who feel we may already know what we're supposed to do. A small byproduct of being a mother is the feeling that you are the end all, the final word, the alpha and omega of your little world. In a way I am. I generally dictate the course of a given day or punish/reward children when need arises. But every Sunday the spirit reminds me that just as the stars each contribute light to brighten the night sky, I am just a small part of His plan -- but still a very important part of it. I am vital in the raising of my children in the way of the Lord. I teach them those things that are most important to know: repentance, forgiveness, love, kindness, good vs. evil, and the plan of salvation. But I still have so much to learn and to pass on to them.
Last week our lesson was on sacrifice. The definition is "giving to the Lord whatever He requires of our time, our earthly possessions, and our energies to further His work". What struck me first was that each person will sacrifice different things. It is SO important to keep what we sacrifice between us and the Lord because we should not compare our offering to others or visa versa. This comparison defeats the purpose of the sacrifice by putting our hearts in the wrong place to give it. Our offering will not be pleasing to the Lord if we are doing it simply to be seen of men. It must be within the secret places of our hearts and our homes that we make those sacrifices. If stories are shared they should be shared in an effort to edify and inspire, not to place ourselves above someone else. What the Lord requires will be individual and unique to each of His children. The second thing that I learned was that a true sacrifice is given without expecting ANYTHING in return. It makes me wonder if I have often expected the Lord to bless me because I sacrifice. I know He will to some extent because he is merciful. But it will probably not be in the way that I hope to be blessed. Am I sacrificing hoping that someone will see me and give me credit and recognition? Or am I giving it out of charity and the goodness of my heart realizing that no one but God will ever know of my sacrifice? When I pondered on these things I came to know that if I sacrifice, I will be cleansed and that my heart will be made right before my Maker. I will become humble and teachable - ready to be molded by my Father in Heaven. "We must sell our lives to God that we might have the means to buy those things which He means our lives to own." Do I sacrifice enough of my time for my children? Do I sacrifice my energies for quality time with them and not just quantity? Am I teaching them humbly? Do I expect to be thanked for the time and energy I spend making dinner or shoveling the driveway? If so, is that really a sacrifice? (If I do get thanked, so be it. But I cannot EXPECT to be thanked or my heart is not in the proper place for a sacrifice.)
Today our lesson was on consecration. These topics are so similar that people often use them as synonymous. When I think of the temple I believe that they were meant to build upon each other. We are first given the Law of Sacrifice. We are expected and asked to make our hearts soft, contrite, and our spirits pure before the Lord by sacrificing. It is at this point that the Lord purifies us and sanctifies us. He makes us new creatures by asking us to take things one step further and consecrate all that we have to further His kingdom. To consecrate is to dedicate to the Lord. My perspective on the daily mundane things of life would be so different if I began each day consecrating the little things to the Lord. "The Lord is between the pots and pans." Meaning that He is a part of the minutia of our lives. It's like we have to follow the law of Moses on a day to day basis and search to find him within all the law do's and don'ts. The overall effect is that we follow the higher law and reach for higher ground when we do find the Lord and follow his spirit. Each day I sacrifice and hope to be able to consecrate something new to the Lord. I feel strongly that this is a daily process. Each time I succeed I will become closer and more like my Heavenly Father. I gradually become perfected, but I must be constant in my efforts.
I'm reaching for something better within myself. It is a time for growing and stretching. This last year has been a time of selfish regrouping. It's been difficult in many ways. I wanted to get beyond myself, but was mentally and emotionally unable to do that. I'm finally feeling like I have the energy and purpose for sacrifice and consecration. I really hope to better grasp these concepts this year. They are important to my spirit and therefore to me. My soul longs to be better, to be sanctified through the atonement and the Holy Ghost. I'm seeing many things in a new light and am willing to stretch myself further that I might learn.