We've had a lot of fights in our house recently. It seems like they are getting more and more frequent. Perhaps it's because they are all getting older and asserting themselves more often. Perhaps it's because they are finally realizing that their opinion is different than someone else and it's upsetting to not get your way. Either way you slice it, the volume level and intensity of emotions in the house has dramatically increased.
Each time Bekah screams at one of her brothers I get images of the bad guys in "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark" as they are melting away. Patrick is probably the most manipulative and cunning. Andrew stamps his foot quite well for a 3 year old and throws a tantrum that doesn't seem to end. (He inherited an odd quirk of his father's that allows him to recall random topics of conversations long past as if they had not past. Only Michael doesn't use it to throw tantrums....) And they all seem to be vindictive and vengeful.
I've wondered if they are learning some of this behavior from me. And yes, I can see some of it. I've never been known for a long fuse of patience before I burst, (ahem), but I've been working steadily on it over the years. It's gotten better. I knew we needed to talk about repentance and forgiveness but I didn't know how to approach it so I avoided it.
Today in the car a series of events occurred and I knew we needed the talk now. If I gave it my best effort, Heavenly Father would guide me so that some understanding could take place. So I walked right into the house and before the kids could come in, I'd grabbed a paper, pencil and my scriptures. I sat them down and - between Andrews constant whines for Oreos - started with the basic steps of repentance emphasizing the need for restitution and then forsaking the sin. I told them that we ALL need a lot of work on these last two steps and read them a scripture in Luke that paraphrased says that we need to repent or we die. (Dramatic emphasis was not intended, but it helped.) Then we went through some basic steps of forgiveness and what it means to really forgive. It's HARD! Our bodies and Satan don't want us to forgive. They both want the other person to hurt as much as we do - to be miserable inside or outside! Then we read in Matthew about Jesus telling Peter to forgive 70 times 7 and the parable of the king who forgives a man a large debt only to find that the man would not forgive his peer a smaller amount. We'll have to revisit this parable later in the year, but having it in story really helped drive the point home for them. We also talked about human boundaries - not rules - but respect for all other people that we need to be more careful of: bathroom/bedroom privacy, and personal bubble space.
I'm really hoping to get a new behavior plan in place before March ends and to constantly remind them of the need to repent, forgive, and be forgiven. I know a lot of this fighting is normal sibling rivalry, but there has got to be a way for them to be more kind and a little less selfish as they learn to deal with each other. I'm crossing my fingers, but mostly, I'm going to pray.....hard. :)
2 comments:
We have had almost constant fighting in our house since #2 turned 3 (3 1/2 years ago). They wore me OUT, it is so so draining. I finally found a solution that worked very well for us. I would make them both sit together on a hard bench. They had to sit there until I was ready to talk to them. Then I would ask them to tell me what they personally did that was wrong- not what the sibling did. Then I ask them "what should you have done in that situation?" Then they have to model correct behavior 10 x over, for each instance that there was a wrong committed. It takes a little effort from me, but the outcome has been greater peace. Hope you are able to get some relief!
Another moment when I am overwhelmed by what it really means to be a parent.... You are amazing. And I don't think your fuse is short. I think you are pregnant and the turkey needs to be done ;)
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